That's the way to do it...

Here Pete North channels Donald Trump and Mr Punch, and imagines what @KemiBadenoch should have said in that interview:

"There can be no doubt that the last Conservative government was an abject failure, for which there is no excuse. I can't even begin to apologise and would not insult anyone's intelligence by doing so. But we do get it. We will fix this mess. Labour won't. Reform wouldn't know how. We have a plan. Let me tell you what the plan is.

First and foremost, the era of judges dictating our energy and immigration policy is over. We're scrapping the ECHR and the Human Rights Act. We're leaving the Refugee Convention and we're quitting the Paris Agreement. Only Westminster will legislate on these issues. We're already writing the draft legislation. We know there will be fallout. We're ready for it, and we're ready to take on the EU if we have to. We'll finish the job of Brexit.  

On the matter of asylum, other than Ukraine, there are no wars in our immediate sphere. There is no reason we should have an asylum system at all. We will reduce is to a discretionary system capped at 500 a year aimed at providing sanctuary for political dissidents. Anyone who arrived by dinghy should make arrangements to go home because otherwise, they're going to be leaving on an A400M to the Falklands for an indeterminate stay. We will have a basic camp established within six weeks. We'll have no more foot-dragging and we'll sack anyone who gets in the way. 

Further to this, we will abolish indefinite leave to remain and no foreign-born individual will be entitled to benefits of any kind. We'll do whatever it takes to reverse the Boriswave. Where countries refuse to take back migrants, they can expect to be hit with a whole array of sanctions including tariffs, and taxes on remittances. We'll stop any flights from even landing in Britain. 

We will take the immigration function away from the Home Office to set up a specialist ICE style entity. The message is clear. If you're here illegally, we'll find you and deport you. We'll offer generous rewards for information and put investigators on commission. This department will work round the clock. There will be no appeals. There will be daily deportation flights. 

Further to this, we're no longer going to tolerate Islamism and sectarianism. We're going to consider the terror watch list a deportation list. Any mosque known to have repeatedly hosted hate preaches will be turned into a car park, and we're banning the burka. You can expect to see more measures along these lines. If you want to live according to Islamic tradition, you can't do it here. We're also going to ban the hate marches. Anyone showing open support for terrorist organisations will be jailed, and if they're foreign born, they'll be deported. Multiculturalism is over. No more cultural exceptions, no more two-tier policing, no more leniency, no more cultural relativism. There'll be no more translation services and if you can't pass an English fluency test (written and oral), your days here are numbered.   

As to legal immigration, we're going to cap it at zero. Britain doesn't need any more immigration. If business doesn't have the skill base, they must start training people. The government will assist in this. We will revert second rate universities to polytechnics. We must train our own people and get them off benefits. What we haven't got, we'll do without. But there's nothing we can't do. There's a reason the world wants to send its youth to elite British universities. 

Meanwhile, we're going to fix the economy. We will repeal net-zero targets and the climate change act. We're scrapping the EV and heat pump mandates. We're going to get energy bills right down and you can expect to see change within six months. We're phasing out renewables subsidies and no more windfarms or solar parks will be built. We will grant every drilling licence application. Judges won't get a say in it. We're going to scrap carbon taxes, and you can expect to see your bills fall by at least a third. We're scrapping the climate change committee too. We will purge the regressive green ideology from all arms of government. 

We're then going to clean up our streets. We're no longer going to turn a blind eye to casual drug use and petty crime. We're going to get the rubbish off our streets. We're going to abolish landfill taxes and put an end to fly tipping. We'll shut down the money laundering front shops. We'll clean up the high streets. We'll put lenient judges on notice. They will be held accountable, as will police chiefs. 

We're then going to clean up government. We'll establish our own DOGE. We'll root out DEI and wokery from all arms of government, and we'll cut the waste. Men will not be considered women in any guise. FCDO grants will be cancelled unless a project has a demonstrable contribution to controlling immigration. We expect to uncover billions in waste. We'll return it to you in the form of tax cuts. We're not going to be wreckers, but we are going to be ruthless. 

These are our broad aims. I'm building a team to expand and enhance this policy platform, and more detail will follow. The underpinning approach to policy will be "no more half-measures - and no more appeasing the left or the media". We'll do what it takes. The previous government failed because we tried to stay within the existing frameworks - but they no longer work for us. We prized international law over the direct national interest. We've hidden behind bureaucracy to excuse our inaction. That all ends under my leadership."

From Twitter